The Best Summary of Man of Steel. EVER.

So I’m still sick, which basically means that I can’t focus too much on anything – I can barely even find things to read unless they just randomly pop up on my email. Thankfully, I have a father who KNOWS ME ALL TOO WELL.

He sent me the best summary of Man of Steel ever. He sent it yesterday, and I still can’t stop reading it. I can’t stop laughing. OH MY GOD THIS IS GOLD.

Warning: this is not for the easily butthurt folks who actually liked the movie.

Here are some of my favorite bits:

Pa Kent: YOU ARE GOING TO BE A BEACON OF HOPE WHEN YOU GROW UP, CLARK, A BEACON OF HOPE THAT WATCHES CHILDREN DIE WHEN HE COULD HAVE EASILY SAVED THEM.

 

(the tornado starts to pick Pa Kent up)

Pa Kent:Clark!

Young Clark: Dad!

Pa Kent:Remember! Remember this one thing!

Young Clark: I will, Dad!

Pa Kent: KEEP… MURDERING… CHILDRENNNnnnnnnnnnnnnn! (Pa Kent is carried away — flashback ends)

Jor-El: I told Lois Lane how to defeat Zod and send his ship back to the Phantom Zone.

Superman: Really? Um, do you want to tell me? Since we’re here talking and all?

Jor-El: Nope.

Superman: Save everybody some time?

Jor-El: No, I’m fine, thanks.

Superman:Both of my fathers are assholes. (flies after Lois)

Golden, I tell you. I encourage everyone (with a sense of humor) to read this. READ IT! READ IT! It basically summarized a lot of my problems with the movie.

Dad? I LOVE YOU for sending me this.

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