I’m not a very patient person. Ask anyone I interact with on a regular basis, and you’ll find out that I’ve gone on some pretty annoying rants over being late and over things that never go according to plan.
Intellectually, I know that I should never expect anything to go according to plan–especially when other human beings are involved. But that doesn’t seem to stop me from going berserk in the brain when I have to deal with snags that ultimately result in REALLY BAD THINGS; not just for me, but for another person. That’s what really drives me nuts, actually: I try to do things for people sometimes, and they’re really aren’t helping me help them even if they’re perfectly capable themselves. Then suddenly I’M the bad guy because I didn’t catch their shit for them (even though it’s really not my job).
I tend to go a little bit ballistic when that happens. Then, whether justified or not, I start feeling BAD about getting angry. That’s because despite my temper, I really do like thinking the best of people and I really am at fault sometimes.
I had a blow up very recently–oh, who am I kidding? I HAVE BLOW UPS ALL THE TIME–and it got me thinking that I need to stop being so high-strung about everything. I mean, it’s good for when I’m working on something on my own. It’s just really really bad when I end up bringing it to work because my co-workers aren’t actually the focus of my ire. Usually, it’s someone else. Nobody at my office deserves a snappish Elea. She’s pretty mean and even I don’t like her.
So I’m deciding that my life goals will have to include learning some patience and being more chill about some things that are out of my control.
That means I have to re-develop the habit of meditation.
I used to meditate a lot, and it actually helped me control my stress levels. I’m not quite sure why I stopped. Of course, it doesn’t matter–I have to pick it up again if I want keep my temper in check. So I figure I should start tomorrow morning or something. Or maybe tonight.
Does anyone else have any suggestions for being more patient? Advice to give? Reading material to recommend?