I’m pretty sure that I will say nothing here that other people haven’t already said – after all, by the time the significant other and I decided to watch it a couple of weeks ago the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie already had a Rotten Tomatoes ranking of around 20% (we watched anyway because we were curious and found the beatboxing preview somewhat entertaining). But I suppose some points are worth reiterating for the benefit of future generations.
Oh, I’m sure that children enjoyed this movie. And I admit that there are things that actually did make me smile a little bit. But all in all, this movie is unremarkable at best (if you’re an adult and you’ve never been a TMNT fan) and insulting at worst (if you’re an adult and your childhood had turtles all the way down).
If you haven’t watched the movie, I suggest that you don’t. Geek extraordinaire Kyle Francisco actually wrote a countdown of reasons why TMNT 2014 is painful to watch. I understand that linking to his review may render my review redundant, but I don’t care because he said it so well. Besides, I’m sure that my pain is ever so slightly different from his.
With that in mind, come jump into the spoilery sewers with me!